Tag Archives: Life

Hospitals Suck!

So I ended up in the hospital. My gall bladder is full of stones it seems and a particularly tenatious one has logged itself in the shared duct from the bladder, liver, and Pancreas. So I’m a bright shade of yellow and feeling like crap.

I’m just trying to adapt to my situation right now and pondering some things. Maybe write some things up into this blog while Iay here as I  don’t have access to anything right now.

I think right now all I really want is something solid to eat. I’d take cereal, maybe a nice ice cream treat. Anything. I’m living off IV fluids and Clear Liquids.

I’m in the VA medical system, so while I’m not paying for anything out of pocket Iam just laying here unable to do much of anything else. lots of time left on my own with nothing to do but watch tv and read small internet stuff as there is a nice big filter on this network. And since I have a lot of security on my accounts, I can’t even do those without constantly calling for reauthorization. My phone is nearly dead, so it’s on a power conservation routine.

Right now mostly I just want to be fixed so I can go home. I want to be back to work and living and getting though the day happy.

That’s all I got. maybe Ican just post a ton of stuff as I write it and such. A little free writing and all.


Working on the Weekends

So I’m sitting here waiting to start my shift at work on a Saturday morning thinking about the world. We all have a thought that someday we will “Make it Big.” Of course Big being subjective, our dreams are always a little different from the next person but revolve around a central theme. We’ll be happy, healthy, and have a home with people we care about. It of course changes up and down the spectrum but that is the basics.

So what do I want for my “Big?” That is a question to which the answer has changed over the years. Before it was to have a good career and live out my life happily. Now it’s still sort of that, but the details are different. I want a home but I want it somewhere simple, I want a relationship but I don’t know where to go or some such.

I’m mostly working on ideas but never going further then plotting out events and scenes in my mind, I’m also wondering what at the age of 36 I could possibly do that would be of interest. I have to admit, I feel as if my life has stalled at times. Also, when you think of it you see the world, and you see people ten years or more younger then you already retiring, it can get depressing.

So, what does one do then?

One idea is to stay the course, stick it out and try to figure out how to get promoted at your current job and just work slowly there. Lot’s of famous people are in their early to mid-forties and just really getting started. Time isn’t THAT fleeting… at least I hope it isn’t.

The other is to try and pull a J.K. Rowling and try and come up with “The Great American Novel.” This is mostly what I’m trying to do, or at least provide some interesting thoughts folk to read.  I know I’m not exactly a very broad based person, but I do hope I have SOME kind of following.

But first and foremost one must define themselves really, if only who they WANT to be in their heads. The Legend of their own mind. What is our self-image, that person we see ourselves as? Is it some clerk somewhere always working and never getting any further in their lives? Or is it some action hero from the 1980’s? Once one has who they are in their minds, they can start working towards changing that, or enhancing that image into what they are towards everyone else.

So we go from there and start trying to push towards that sort of life. You can have a great life without ending up a famous person. Probably more enjoyable in general that way if you ask me.  We figure out how we want to be remembered, either by those around us or the world at large, or if it’s even worth it. Some of us are very forgettable, myself included in that at times.

But at the end of the day, forgettable or unforgivable, we can define how we want to exist. I would be happy with the stereotypical existence from the 1950’s, at least as it was defined as being a family, a house, and a stable livelihood. Even if the details have changed, the basics haven’t.

One day, one day.

“Real” Work vs Personal Projects

I work part-time at a Home Depot here in Granbury, Texas. I like the people I work with, and I enjoy the environment. That said I also live with my Folks again and have been trying to find a way to make enough of a living so I can move back out. It’s not been easy. I check the Texas Workforce pages for job opportunities and I send in digital job applications as often as I can. But so far I’m still a proud employee of Home Depot.

I also spend a lot of time just working on Personal Projects. Things like Dhampir Dreams and Fanbards.net. I’m trying to create, or recreate in some cases, community sites in a world that has largely gone to Facebook and Twitter for everything. Even then I like to think I can offer something to a niche or a clientele of some kind.

SO which is more important, the “Real” work of trying to find full time employment in the real world or the personal work of trying to build my websites into something that can at least bring in enough of an income so I can maybe live doing that and working Part-Time? It’s an interesting question in todays atmosphere. We talk about the economy and how it’s changed.

And then we go and spend hours sharing every little thing on the internet to forget for a bit that we can barely live in the world. I figure if I can at least get some money flowing, maybe get folk interested in what I have to say, then maybe I can do something with it.

Let me know what your opinion is. I have more then enough areas of contact available.

KDE 4, Writing, Employment and the like…


Today KDE 4 was released, version 4.0.2 to be exact. it’s a lovely piece of programing from what I’ve been able to see so far and hope i will continue to be so. Many of the various apps that make KDE the major DE it is are still being developed to include a stand alone web browser based not on khTml but on WebKit, and other major revamps of programs. However the major shifting of all the newer stuff is still worth the updating even to the developmental branch of KDE 4. If you want to wait, then 4.1 will be the KDE you want.

Due to the two months of being unemployed I’ve been less then interested in my writing. I’m hoping that now that I’m employed again I’ll be able to get more into things like that again. I want to continue on with Imperium and try to get more stuff working on that. eventually I’ll have a nice full on novel with a PDF download and maybe self publish the damned thing. Anyone interested in assisting me fiscally on that to take some worries off my brow and allow me to focus on my wiritng is more then welcome.

I have found a new job finnaly, I’m working in a security company. It’s not Dell computer stuff, but it’s something I’m used to, working with appropriate authorities to make things safer for people even if it’s through people who are subs and not everyone. Wish I had some more money and made a bit more, but for now this is good enough.

Shift work for the win folks.

More Major Life Changes

Well, anyone who knows me closely already knows this news. I recently got laid off from my job, so i’m in the middle of reassessing my life… again. I’m not sure if I want to go back to school on the GI Bill or if I want to just get back to work. Right now I’m tempted to just do the whole school thing, get a degree in Compi Sci with a minor in creative writing and go from there. It would be interesing.
Writing wise, I’m still working on my fanfics some, and pouring some effort back into Imperium Nocturna. I’m still needing some assistence with some things there, and anyone willing to assist in what is on the help wanted section are more then welcome.
I’m also trying to work on some more original work, maybe some short stories which will be posted here and on Darkscribes. I’m still really more interested in keeping my original work seperate from my fanfiction, but DS is still the best place to post for me. Either way, you’ll have a choice of where to go.
I’ve been toying around with skins recently for both DD and Imperium. I think I’ve got he color scheme themes I like and the layouts, though some specialized headers and images would be nice. Anyone willing to assist would be welcome on that as well.
No ill will towards Dell, they just didn’t have anything for a phone tech anymore. I’m just going to keep going. Thanks for any support you feel you would like to give.