LD’s Snippets of how I would handle other peoples Fanfics

Honestly there are times I read a story and can’t help but see a way I would do it better. I’ve actually gone through once and tried to completely rewrite a story and make it my own in a way. Honestly it was more like me trying to fill out how this one guy did things… and he was rather upset by how well I did with his original idea.

Who know people could get upset about doing better then them with their idea.

This is a snippet of how I would have handled Slayer’s Neon Genesis Goddess: The Second Wish. Here’s hoping he doesn’t get pissed. And I might honestly add to this later just for my own thoughts.

The dust cleared from the testing area, though the area where the S2 core had been was still obscurred in smoke and falling debris. Faust looked around him, and noticed that every Marrionette in the area had simply stopped. Loreli was trying to get the MArrionette LIme back online, while the young God checked on the human Lime. He stepped towards the Guardian and Angel who were off to one side watching the smoke clear. Arael was busily working on her communicator.

“Do you have any idea what just happened?” Faust asked.

“The Core collapsed in on itself, resulting in a temporary inverted AT field. My brother Lieliel was capable of such a feet when he created the sea of dirac. However he is long dead. I am attemptng to reset my communicator now,” Arael answered.

“Reset?”

“When my brothers were defeated on Earth, their cores would collapse in a very similar fashion to what we just witnessed. The blast from their cores collapse resulted in an electro-magnetic pulse which to my knowledge disrupts function of electronic circuits.”

Faust thought about this for a moment, then walked over to Loreli and spoke to her briefly. She nodded and flipped a panel up on Lime’s shoulder and flipped a switch, waited a moment, then flipped it again. The Marionette shortly came back to life, and began almost panicking. It wasn’t too long before Loreli had calmed her and had her do the same thing for the other Marrionettes in their party. Once Luchs was back online Faust asked her over.

“So what do you make of it?”

“The dust is clearing slowly, but from what I can see it appears to be a Germanic castle, possible middle renaissance period. However the appears to be a complex communications array on the turrents. I’d guess twenty-first century technology, however that is only a guess,” Luchs said.

“I see,” Faust said, then noticed Dr. Richardson speaking with one of the military sabers he had with him.

“Doctor, what are you doing?”

“What does it look like? I’m sending a contingent of Sabers to investigate the structure. We’ll know more soon.”

“I see. Lets not be too rash in this case.”

The sabers departed towards the castle as Kemia and Lime joined Arael and Yui. The trio watched the castle in the distance, the dust finally settled and the castle in plane view. Something about this however didn’t sit well with Arael. It wasn’t that she had felt the core when it went critical, but the sense she got from the castle itself. There was something about it she couldn’t put her finger on.

Faust called them over as the sabers entered the structure. The sabers saw nothing, the transmission adjusting as they adjusted to the darker lighting of the castle. A flash of movement however caught one of there attention. The aimed their weapons, seeing a man standing there in military fatigues. Enough detail was visable through that the viewers of the feed were able to make out his features. The sense of disquiet Arael was feeling grew as she looked at him. For some reason he seemed familiar to her, though in her memories she had never met the man in her existence.

The saber feed however was short lived as they were ravaged by an onslaught of automatic fire. The saber that had been watching the man looked up, as he walked towards it and fired a single shot into it’s head. The screen went blank.

“Obviously hostile. I want an entire brigade of sabers out there! Take them out,” Dr. Richardson screamed.

“Wait! We don’t know who they are or why they are there. You still have no idea how that castle ended up here. Let me handle this Chris, this situation requires calm and negotiation,” Faust said.

“Very well, you deal with them Faust. But if you fail I will finish this,” the doctor said as he walked off.

“So, anyone have any idea?”

“The style of dress and the array point towards this being from the twenty first century. However, I do not have enough data to determine how this occurred,” Luchs said.

“Arael, you okay?” Yui asked.

“Something about that man is familiar to me. And it’s not a sense of familiarity from my own memories. This sense is from the memories of your mother and Sayoko I possess. I’m not entirely sure, but I think I know how it is.”

Faust heard and looked to her, “Who do you think it is?”

“As I said, I’m not entirely sure. Kemia, I suggest you return to Heaven and update them on the situation. Yui cannot at this time and I feel I should remain here.”

“You sure about that?” the younger god asked.

“Yes, inform your mother about what has occurred,” Arael said.

Kemia hugged Lime and promised a quick return and then teleported away. Faust looked out at the castle and made a quick decision.

“I’m heading out there. I’ll try to speak with them, see what I can find out.”

His Saber dolls however were not pleased with that idea, “No you are not, they could kill you. Let us go, we’ll tend to this.”

“No, as much as I value all three of you, you aren’t as good in the art of negotiation. I’ll take Yui and Arael with me, not like there is anything any human could do to harm them or anyone with them.”

The Saber Dolls nodded slowly. The three headed off shortly there after. All the mortal Lime could do was stand there and be held by her mother.

The scene Kemia walked in on when he entered Yggdrasil control was one of chaos. Gods and Goddesses were moving as if the entire building were under attack. He looked at the control chair and saw his mother and Aunt Urd working over several computer files.

“Mom, whats going on around here?” He asked. Belldandy turned and pulled him into a tight hug.

“Are you alright?” she asked.

“I’m fine, we were far enough away from the blast radius where nothing happened to us except getting a little dirty. The New Texas officials sent in a team of Sabers, they were all cut down by some military unit… ” Kemia said, his voice leaving him as he looked at the image on Urd’s control panel.

“What?” Urd said.

“I saw that guy, he’s in the castle. The Sabers only contact was with a person that looked like that man.” He said.

Belldandy and Urd shared a look. They both already knew what this meant, and upon seeing what had occurred on the surface of Terra 2 had pulled up everything they could. Kemia’s statement only solidified what they believed.

Something on the file however made Kemia pause. Under status for this mortal, only unknown was there. No date of death, no indication that he had ever passed into heaven. Only a long list of accomplishments and associations.

“How come his status is listed as unknown?” Kemia asked.

“I’ll explain on the way. You and I will head down there and take charge of the situation. Urd, contact Asuka and any other available guardians. They should be there as well,” Belldandy said as she and Kemia began to leave.

“What about Sayoko?” Urd asked. Something in her voice threw Kemia off.

“Not yet, lets make sure before we tell her.” Belldandy said and left the building with her son.

“Mom, what was Urd talking about?” Kemia asked.

“I’ll explain on the way,” Belldandy said as he hurried her son along. Urd mearly went about contacting the Guardians to update them on the situation.

“So you think you know this person. I assume you may have a name that we could address him by?” Faust asked Arael as they walked towards the Castle.

“I’m not entirely sure. The face look familiar, and I know it’s not from my own memories. The memories of Asuka and Sayoko both however keep telling me that he is familiar.”

“I see. Is it a good type of familiar or should we be worried?” Faust asked.

“I don’t get a bad feeling from this familiarity, and if I were you I would not be worried. If he is who I think he is, then he knows that there is nothing he can do against a guardian and an angel and expect to survive.”

Yui spoke after that, “So he’ll know what he’s dealing with then?”

“Yes, I get the feeling he may have known your parents very well but I’m not entirely certain,” Arael said.

As they approached the castle, the man in question began approaching them. They met near the mountain face and stood there. Faust appraised the man, the head of hair a wave of blond curls. He also noticed their host throwing curious glances at Yui and Arael. He was the first to speak.

“I don’t know about you, but I do know the two women with you are not of this world. Are you aware of this?” the man asked Faust.

“Yes, I am,” Faust said, rather surprised.

“Good, then I don’t have to try to hide what I know about them. You two, name and rank,” it was not a question.

Yui wasn’t exactly liking this guy so far, but she answered none the less, “I’m Yui Ikari, Guardian. This is Arael.” she said, leaving off what Arael was.

However it didn’t seem to matter, “Arael you say. I thought the Angels were all dead. And this angel in particular, the Fifteenth Angel. I’d very much like to know how you came back from the dead.”

Yui and Areal were both stunned silent. They could not figure how this mortal knew about what Araeal was, especially since no one on earth had known her.

“You two are wondering how I know. I’ve never discussed it with the Ikari’s, but in my position I had access to everything Commander Ikari and SEELE had relating to the Angels. Even if it was years later, I still wanted to know what it was they were basing their plans on. I thought originally if I looked over what they used I would be better able to capture the remnants of SEELE. Needless to say it didn’t help much.”

“You seem very informed about the existence of Heaven and Hell Mr…?” Faust asked.

“Kensuke Aida, Director UN Intelligence.”

“Gerhard Faust, Head of the Gartlet nation.”
If Kensuke was confused he didn’t show it. He remained steady as he spoke, “I assume something involving an S2 core occured recently. Perhaps our angelic compatriot would have some insight on that?”

Arael was understandable shocked that this man didn’t seem to harbor her any ill will. Not openly at least, “from what I understand, five hundred years ago you and your team were caught in an inverse AT-field event similar to my brother Leilel. Though without anything to counteract it you had no way or escaping the area it produced. The S2 core here that was just activated may have picked up on that quantum signature and over loaded. Thus allowing you to… escape.”

Kensuke merely nodded, “I may not be as smart about such things as Dr. Akagi was, but I get what you are saying.”

Suddenly a loud thunderclap distracted everyone, standing before them now was Belldandy, with her son on one side and Asuka Langley Ikari on the other. Asuka took one good look at Kensuke and couldn’t help it. She raced over and grabed him in a hug and made sure he was real.

“When you do something you do it big Stooge.”

Kensuke chuckled, “I’m not the one with cosmic powers, you Demon you.”